This week’s National Enquirer cover story looks like the revelation of a giant scandal.

“Angelina Jolie is hiding a secret from fiancé Brad Pitt that’s certain to send him off the deep end,” reports the tabloid, breathlessly explaining, “She secretly rented hotel rooms to hole up with a long-haired badboy!”

In a so-called “blockbuster exclusive,” the Enquirer claims a man named Jasson Gellerstedt has revealed that Jolie “slipped out of her house to rendezvous with him on the sly.”
Wow!

As the magazine declares, “Pals say Brad will explode when he discovers Angie’s betrayal.”

Well, of course he will!

After all, Jolie is supposedly sneaking around for “secret hotel hookups” with Gellerstedt!

There’s just one tiny problem.
Jolie and Gellerstedt’s alleged meet-ups haven’t been taking place during her relationship with Pitt… or even since she was old enough to drive.
Nope, what Gellerstedt actually tells the Enquirer about supposedly happened when he was 14, Jolie was 13, and they were both in EIGHTH GRADE.

We’re serious.
The tabloid’s latest bait-and-switch masterpiece doesn’t have anything to do with Jolie sneaking around on Pitt — it’s really about Jolie and Gellerstedt and a bunch of friends sneaking around on their parents more than 20 years ago.
Unbelievable.

So why, exactly, will Pitt “explode” when he finds out?
The Enquirer quotes a “source” who explains that Pitt and Jolie had a conversation early in their relationship “about everyone who could come forward and put them in a bad light, but Jasson’s name never came up.”