Still homesick?

I am still really struggling to adapt to the US. I moved here in September 2012 after a year long wait for our CR1 visa to be approved. I arrived to the United States heavily pregnant with our first child. I have struggled with the healthcare system over here and I felt so alone in dealing with all the medical expenses we have had to handle (with insurance). I have found when people hear my accent their attitude completely changes and they become rude and unhelpful, often very patronising.

I am very isolated and have no family here other than my spouse, son and my spouses step mom (who is amazing). My spouses Mother has done nothing but make my life very difficult. She has spread rumours about me, commented frequently on my parenting skills, destroyed the relationship I was building with my daughter in law which has left my marriage strained and difficult. Due the rumours about me and comments made about my character, none of my husbands friends socialise with me, making social occasions very difficult.

My husband brought me a car and I passed my driving test. I am really struggling to drive over here. The driving style was very different in the UK and people here are very rude and obnoxious behind the wheel. I felt really unprepared to pass my test and would have benefited from a driving school - which is very expensive and none are in our area. I feel the whole time I have been here, it has been one step forward and two steps back. I desperately miss home and have started to think I have made a big mistake.

I have started to work here too and live in a small town. I find my accent causes a lot of issues. People often try to imitate it in a rude, sarcastic way and someone has even asked me to learn to speak American. It not only upsets me but my coworkers too as they find it really odd how its a big deal for the customers to understand me.

How long does it really take to adjust to the cultural differences and everything else? We live in Colorado and so it is obviously very different to the east coast. Is it circumstances or homesickness? How did other people deal with the challenges they faced when moving from the UK to the US?

Answer

You really have taken on a lot in a short period of time: new baby, new country, new life. I don't really know what to advise you apart from hang on in there, you are still in the early stages of adapting.

I have been lucky; so far, my transition has been easy, although I keep expecting to be hit by homesickness. I am in Georgia and people love my accent here, although I still sometimes struggle to make myself understood. I am learning to say 'warder' instead of water and the other day I asked for a 'tall coffee' and the guy asked me what size. I repeated tall but when the coffee was made he gave me two cups. I realized he had thought I had asked for 'two coffees'. Perhaps you should make a joke of your accent before other people have chance to say anything. Tell them you are sure you will learn to speak English one day.

As far as driving is concerned, maybe try to get out at quiet times and on quiet roads so that you can build up your confidence.

Does your husband know how you are feeling? You said that his step-mom is amazing; can you talk to her about how you are feeling? Do you talk to friends and family at home?

I'm not sure what else I can advise at the moment. Just look after yourself and try to remember all the positive reasons you decided to move here. Things will get better. As your sons get older there will be opportunities to make new friends with other mums and that will help you to feel less isolated.