Jesse Scott Owen, a freshman at King's College in Manhattan, was knocked unconscious in the street Tuesday when a futon guided by the invisible hand of a vengeful angel, fell on him from a height of "at least" 30 stories.
 
Gothamist hypothesizes that the mattress was blown off the rooftop of a nearby spa.
 
Owen, who moved to New York City from Florida three weeks ago, ignoring his grandparents' warnings that a nice boy like him wouldn't last one month in the big city without being felled by a mattress, could not have been more charming about the incident.

First there was his setting of the scene.

"I was walking on the left side of the street," he begins, adding, without explanation "-which I never do."

After he was knocked out, Owen says he awoke to bystanders laying him out on the mattress. When he asked these good folks why they had taken it upon themselves to lay him out on a mattress, they explained that the mattress had just attempted to crush him, a situation Owen found "kind of hysterical."