According to the latest issue of Life & Style magazine, Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband, Kris Humphries, is going to write a tell-all book!
 
Apparently now that Kris has realized that Kim has basically used him as her puppet for that craptastic reality show, he’s going to get his own revenge. Last week’s issue of the magazine stated that Kim had already gone back to her ex, Reggie Bush, who was seemingly waiting in the wings for her.
 
Now, Kris wants his own revenge? I’m not buying it. Firstly, he signed an ironclad confidentiality agreement, which was a part of his prenup. While we all want to know how fake his wedding to Kim was, I’m sure that he’s not going to risk getting sued by Kim to tell us all about it.
 
The magazine also reports why Kris stopped sleeping with Kim. Perhaps it was because her ginormous booty kept getting in the way? Ha. They also say that Kim’s makeup routine takes six hours. SIX HOURS! I don’t doubt it. She probably has a wrecking crew to take that crap off of her face on a nightly basis.
 
Also in this issue, the truth about her boobs and butt! THEY’RE FAKE — Saved you $3.00, please put the check in the mail to Earsucker’s headquarters, we’ll spend it on beer. Hey, at least we’re honest.