Fighting back tears, Army Sgt. Michael O`Brien explained Tuesday how he had prepared for his own death in Saudi Arabia, not his wife`s.
 
``I`d left instructions with her and was working on a will,`` O`Brien said. ``I was assuming I`d be the first to die. I didn`t want to think about it the other way.``

But in the early morning hours on Feb. 27, Sgt. Cheryl O`Brien, 24, of the 1st Aviation Battalion was shot down along with eight other soldiers as their helicopter flew into Iraq to recover the remains of fellow soldiers. All aboard were killed.

On Tuesday, O`Brien and Cheryl`s parents, Lois and Bill LaBeau of Racine, Wis., accepted a Bronze Star for valor, a Purple Heart and the Air Medal in a posthumous award ceremony at Ft. Sheridan.

``She volunteered to fly that mission. That was like her,`` said O`Brien, 32, an aviation mechanic now stationed at Glenview Naval Air Station. ``She was the door gunner, returning fire. But they were shot down by enemy fire.`` Hours after the helicopter was shot down, O`Brien was called to see his commander.

``He was there with the chaplain. I thought it might have been my mother. I said, `My mother?` They said, `Sit down,` and I knew,`` O`Brien recalled.

It took some time to recover the bodies, O`Brien said. And in the weeks to come, he learned of his wife`s bravery under fire.

``I`m very proud of her. I have mixed emotions being here,`` O`Brien said. ``It didn`t surprise me at all that she volunteered. She believed in what she was doing.``

The couple had met while they were stationed with the U.S. Army in Wiesbaden, Germany, in 1987. Cheryl had joined the Army in 1985 after graduating the previous year from Horlick High School in Racine.

``She was on the rifle team in high school and qualified as an expert,``

her mother recalled. ``She wanted a direction (in her life), then developed an intense interest in flying.``

After joining the Army, Cheryl trained as a mechanic in aviation electronics and stayed in until her discharge last summer. She resumed civilian life for a month, then rejoined the Army with the proviso that she be stationed with her husband at Ft. Riley, Kan., O`Brien said.

Then last fall, word began filtering through the ranks that their units were being shipped to Saudi Arabia. On Jan. 11 they boarded the same plane for the long trip to Saudi Arabia.

``Prior to leaving, we had discussed it (prospect of being killed). Of course, we were both scared,`` O`Brien recalled. ``Personally, I felt we might be there for about 6 to 12 months . . . We wanted to start a family when we returned.``

On March 11, relatives and friends of Sgt. Cheryl O`Brien gathered for her funeral at St. Andrew`s Lutheran Church in Kenosha-the same church where, only a year earlier, many of the mourners had watched the couple take their marital vows.

``I`d rather have been there myself. I said, `Take care of yourself,`

`` said O`Brien, recalling their last meeting two days before the fatal rescue mission.

Then lapsing for a moment into the present tense, O`Brien concluded:

``She is a good soldier, an excellent wife, and my best friend. I miss her a great deal. And I`d love to have her back.``